Thursday, January 2, 2014

So, what you're saying is, reading this blog is an abortion-inducing activity

*but it’s cool, it’s not covered by the ACA*

Sonia Sotomayor granted a stay for some Roman Catholic nonprofit organizations who filed a lawsuit against the ACA contraception mandate.

The douchey lawyers for the nuns keeps talking about how they don’t want to be responsible for  accomodating their employees “abortion inducing drugs and devices.”


Abortion inducing drugs are like RU-486, which are not covered by the ACA. And abortion inducing devices are surgical devices (also not covered by the ACA) used by Ob-Gyns who sometimes risk their lives to provide this healthcare to three in ten women, and for nearly one in four pregnancies (interestingly, these stats that don’t change with restrictive legislation, according to research. The procedures generally just become more dangerous/deadly for women. But please, by all means continue with your misogynistic, restrictive legislation, “pro lifers!”) 

So what are they talking about? Freaking contraception and IUDs. Things that are technically NOT abortion inducing but ironically prevent ACTUAL abortions. What the heck, right? Their esoteric definition of abortion seems to be "anything that prevents new life from forming." So, by their logic, it is actually just a tiny pre-born baby step to the conclusion that reading this blog is an abortion-inducing activity. 

It is true. Because when you read this blog, you know what you aren't doing? Having sex. Well, maybe you are. In which case, maybe put the phone down, Mr./Ms. multitasker. But for the rest of you, unless you are already pregnant (because like Plan B, this blog can not end an existing pregnancy. For those of you in the cheap seats, AHEM HOBBY LOBBY, I’ll say it again this blog, like Plan B, cannot end an existing pregnancy.) this blog is preventing new life because it is preventing you from making babies by actively keeping you from having baby-making sex. Thus, it is an abortifacient. (those of you without a uterus, bet you didn’t know you could have an abortion. It is true. According to the religious fanatics, YOU CAN! Just ask the Becket Fund! They are probably having abortions RIGHT THIS SECOND!)

But don’t worry. The baby Jesus will forgive you. Just walk way from this post and have some unprotected, baby-making sex, sans contraception, ASAP. And hopefully, unlike me, you live in a state that is actually pro life, not in the sense that they restrict women’s rights, but in the sense that they do stuff that supports actual life. Meaning they expand medicaid to help people actually alive and stuff. Like the baby you hopefully will conceive after you close this browser. (high five, you baby-maker, you!)



  1. You have the best blog titles ever. Times infinity.

    1. I like to imagine sharing this on facebook and my mom and her friends seeing it in their feed and just closing their facebook browser or their entire laptop and running away screaming. Just kidding if you're reading this, mom!