Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The art of quitting AKA Are swimming lessons for little kids supposed to suck?

I started the girls in swimming lessons. Their first lessons since they were pretty little, and those early ones were basically just singing baby songs in the water and splashing around.

So they were supposed to be learning how to do actual swimming stuff this time around. But mostly all they did was flip out, and cry, and beg me to take them home. Which sucked. For all of us.

I thought the whole point of early swimming lessons was to get them to be comfortable in the water. Like I felt like these swimming lessons were undoing all the years I've spent getting the girls to enjoy the water. Not to mention, watching some lady manhandle your daughter while she screams for her mommy to help her and to take her home, sort of goes against every single maternal instinct ever.

My first clue should have been the pool full of other screaming and crying children. Like that's usually not ever a good sign of anything. So even though all these other kids are crying, the teacher still tried to think of every possible reason why Maggie crying was OUR fault and not possibly because of their crappy lessons or whatever.

Did she not nap? 

Has she never been in water before? (yeah, we never bathe her, why?)

Well, has she only been in baby pools? (seriously?)

Huh, well are you a stay-at-home mom? Some stay-at-home moms never leave their kids in the care of other people and their kids just don't know how to deal.

What the?! No, I'm not a SAHM. I'm usually in the position have having to defend my choice (using the term loosely) of *CLUTCHING PEARLS* not raising my own children!! God have mercy! Why did I have children just to let other people, STRANGERS!, raise them?! (side note, anyone who ever says anything like that about working moms, just go ahead and punch yourself in the throat for me. Mmmkay? I'd do it myself but I'm a little busy, RAISING MY OWN DAMN BABIES. Thanks!). Now I'm having to defend myself for a choice I didn't even make but holy hell if I've ever met a SAHM who has never exposed her kid to another caregiver. Do those people exist outside of rural cults and Mayim Bialik?

Then some old lady glares at all the crying kids and said: my babies could swim before they could walk!

Oh could they, old lady!? Super for you! High five! Is that because you threw your kids in the pool and the ones that didn't drown, earned the privilege of growing older and learning to walk? Child abuse was awesome back in the day, amiright? Your humble brag is almost as endearing as your likely-false, dementia-inspired memories. Go pay for your senior citizen's discount items with a check, for all I care. Nobody asked you. 

Yeah, I know. One day, if I'm lucky, I too will be old. And I hope I too will be as annoying as possible. Because I freaking earned it, that's why. Actually, I'm as annoying as possible now and I'm only 32. So there!

As a matter of fact, my girls LOVE the water. They were actually excited to go to swimming lessons (until they walked in and saw the pool full of screaming kids). The YMCA of Austin just seemed all chaotic and full of traumatized kids and angry teachers who were manhandling everyone. And just no. I feel like this is going to wreck all the work I've done to encourage my children to love water. And it is going to undo all the work I've done to not be an ageist jerk.

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