A week ago some LDS missionaries came by our house. Cork usually gets all the missionaries, which sucks because he has no interest in talking to them. I, on the other hand, love talking about religion with people. I usually lack a receptive audience (you know, religion and politics). So I invited them in, offered them something to drink, and listened to their story. I wanted to ask some question (about their church's views on homosexuality, for example) but felt like I should probably let them get on their way. But it was weird: just like the last time I really explored and considered the Mormon faith, it made me start to doubt religion in general even more.
Maybe it is just considering a different religion makes me look at my childhood religion in the same critical light that stuff you've just "known" since childhood usually isn't subject to. (Someone, please help me make sense of the proxy human sacrifice, for example. Sending your kid somewhere to die, seems a tad bit like child abuse. I just, ick. I don't know. It really isn't my favorite part, even though it seems like it should be if you're going to be a Christian. Was their no less gruesome alternatives?? I mean, sheesh. That is some rated "R" for mature audiences only stuff, right there.)
Or maybe it is just thinking about an afterlife. And what if there is none? I use to feel sad for non-religious people, because they didn't believe in "our" afterlife. How could you deal with death and injustice without it? But now I sometimes feel sad for religious people's views of the afterlife. Because what if they are wrong, and they are looking at life as though it were a warm up, or a preamble to an eternity that doesn't exist? Instead of valuing every precious moment for what it is, they saw it as a means to an impossible end?
And maybe it is considering the more appealing aspects of Mormonism (e.g., families are forever) that makes me wonder, is religion just some massive, feel-good lie we tell ourselves to cope with the uncertainty of life? Except it has all these super unfortunate side effects (like oppression, war, and stuff like what happened in Dubai this month). So, you know, maybe we should find a better way to cope?
But a piece of me just isn't ready to dismiss religion completely. A piece of me just keeps waiting for it to make more sense to me. Or something. Not quite sure how, or when, or what would even make that happen. But it doesn't seem like such a bad thing: the uncertainty. I think learning to be okay with uncertainty is a pretty useful skill. So I'll just keep working on that one, for now.