Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Girls: Beware of what Christian ladies are saying

buy this shirt here, just wear it with LONGER SHORTS, JEEZ!
I'm sorry, you guys. I can't not comment on these absurd modesty posts. It is like putting a giant chocolate cake in front of me and asking me not to eat it. Or like putting an immodestly dressed woman in front of a straight dude and asking him not to eat her. I mean, wait? 
Girls: Beware of what you wear
I noticed a large group of people wearing matching “Team Jesus” T-shirts. How bold, I thought. Christ front and center. Score one for religious freedom!
Score one for religious freedom, indeed! I, for one, cannot begin to tell you how un-free religiousness is in America (particularly Christianity!!) It is a well-known FACT that people wearing Jesus shirts were subjected to police stops and street interrogations more than 4 million times since 2002. Oh, no, wait. That is innocent New Yorkers who are disproportionately black and Latino. But I'm sure you guys in your Christian shirts are totes stripped of your rights too. So yay for your scored point!!
short shorts (when did those make a comeback?)
I'll tell you when they made a comeback. When it turned summer. People stopped wearing them when it got cold, that's it. You see, some people make clothing choices for reasons unrelated to adultery and pedophilia.
I watched these teenage girls with “Team Jesus” displayed across their chests and wondered why their parents, particularly their fathers, allowed them to leave the house in such tiny shorts and made-up faces. 
Yes. Because fathers, you basically own your daughters until you trade them (presumably for goods/services/cash) to some young man who will then own them in marriage. And as their owners, you need to dress them better. Come on!
I observed the girls out of curiosity, knowing that some of the men standing in line observed them for other reasons. I thought about the Christian men who had to make an effort not to gawk at all the flesh on display in the park and could only imagine what they deal with on a daily basis.
Bless those men. And their efforts. I can only imagine. Not being a creep is hard sometimes. Probably every day. I mean, WUT? Listen, men. We need to talk. Does it not bother you to be painted as a creep who is constantly being a creep and needs help not being a creep? Because she's not making you guys look very good here. And I don't know, most guys I hang out with, they don't leer at underage girls. At all. Certainly not every day. Because that is gross and awkward.
Then I thought about the unbelievers in line. If I noticed that the message on the girls’ shirts and their clothing were incongruous, surely others in line did likewise. Did unbelievers think members of the entire group were hypocrites?
Hmm, probably not. If anything, those unbelievers maybe thought, "those shirts are kind of weird. Team Jesus? Who is on the other team? Jacob? Edward? I'm confused." You see, those unbelievers haven't been conditioned to hate and fear the female body like you craaaazy Christians. So they just see a girl. Not a juicy steak that they must. resist. eating.
While it’s true that teenage girls are well aware of their power of attractiveness...
Really? They are younger than 15. I hope to God that they have no idea that old men are thinking of them the way you allege that they are. They are too young to be saddled with the issues of creepy old men. Stop sexualizing young girls, religious ladies! That is gross, and wrong, and sickening. So stop it.
Christ also taught that believers shouldn't lead others, especially little ones, to sin...
So the shorts are a sin now? Like murder and such? mmkay, just checking.
When God made Adam and Eve, they weren't ashamed of their nakedness. After the Fall, they were ashamed and covered themselves. 
So you admit that this obsession with  modesty is a product of the fall? And sin is a product of the fall? So wouldn't that mean, guilt by association? Maybe just a little? Like perhaps both those things are not ideal?
Christian women should do their part, even in this age of political correctness, to deter sin by dressing modestly and encouraging their younger sisters in Christ to do likewise.
"Even in this age of political correctness"?? I pretty much consider "political correctness" to be tantamount to "not being a jerk." So basically: Even in this age of not being a jerk, maybe we should be jerks (who are obsessed with making little girls feel dirty and sinful for trying to wear comfortable clothes to Sea World)? Is that what you are saying? Because maybe you should stop.



  1. Oh thank you. I needed a laugh to relieve the rage.

  2. "Or like putting an immodestly dressed woman in front of a straight dude and asking him not to eat her."

    I just lost it in the middle of a coffee shop. Bless you and your sense of humor.

  3. Yes to all of this! Also, Eric now thinks I'm crazy for laughing so hard while sitting here alone, so there's that.


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