Monday, August 20, 2012

Here is my idea

stand off at the water park
How genius is this? Retirement homes, except built around the needs of little kids and their parents. Somebody should create some sort of nursing home equivalent for families. There can be different levels, like the comprehensive places that have retirement communities, assisted living centers, and full-on nursing homes? Except for babies through teens. For the babies and toddlers, there would be night nurses you could call on at 3am when you are about to lose your mind, or you could hire them in advance to get a night off, or have them sleep train your kids. And for those early years, you could rent houses or apartments that would be all pre-baby-proofed for you. All soft edges and latching cabinets and tip-resistant furniture (that is meant to be sort of temporary, so you won't get sad when somebody colors and/or poops on it). And how about they throw in some soundproofing while they are at it? There would also be stuff for the parents, like babysitters/play areas in the on-site grocery stores, nail salons, yoga studios, and restaurants. Also, there would be on-site cooks to deliver healthy, warm meals to your family! This is brilliant, amiright? And toddler playgrounds! Like just for toddlers, where you don't have to run around the slide like a crazy person because your 18-month old just made a beeline for the fire pole. 

So I don't have older kids, so that is where my dream gets a little nebulous. But I imagine there are lots of possibilities for older-kid stuff. Like dance class, swimming lessons, and soccer practice? In your backyard. And the leader-people could organize games, movie nights, cooking lessons or random fun stuff you'd do more of if you were just a little bit more awesome and a little bit less tired. And parents could just open the door and let their kids go out side and, bam, play date. That simple. Kids everywhere. And teenagers? I don't know. On site SAT tutors? drivers ed programs? They can do the stuff for the older kids or the adults. Or the teenagers could come to my place, I'd pay them to babysit and fold my laundry. Because, lets be real, this is all about me. 

And people don't have to live there to use the stuff, but if you do live there it is just closer and cheaper or something. But who with kids wouldn't want to shop or get their nails done while their kids got to play in a dedicated/supervised fun area? (and I'm sure all the kid-hating adults who always complain about kids being loud and kid-like would support this idea too. you jerks.) Do it, SOMEBODY! Come on. And why isn't there a reputable, easy to access, middle-of-the-night childcare support type business? Or middle-of-the-day emergency childcare help for when the kids are sick and you are sick and omg, just somebody help me, pleeease? Seriously, why doesn't this sort of thing exist?

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