Friday, March 16, 2012

Break My Heart

From happier times. When Hannah was sleeping and her whole self didn't hurt, and neither did Mom or Dad's.

Hannah has been having a rough week. She tells me her head hurts or her "whole self hurts" and won't sleep well, and then is tired all morning. We kept her home Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday even though there was no fever (but she is like me and isn't a big fever-getter) or obvious sign of infection (took her to the NP to check). Just a runny nose and sadness. We finally sent her back on Thursday and it was hard. She was not happy at drop off. And that never happens unless she isn't feeling well. And again today, the tears and crying. But the thing about tears at drop off: if you can fix it, then stay and fix it; if you can't, run like hell. And I knew I couldn't fix this. So I gave her a hug, a kiss, and ran. And every time she cries, it makes me want to sit on the floor and cry right along with her.

Like all days with tears, I called later in the morning to check on her. Like all days with tears, her teacher assured me she was fine (after a little cry and some rest in the reading center). But she said that after I left Hannah told her, "but I just wanted to blow her a kiss!"

GAH. How can you even stand that? I mean, she does like to refuse to give kisses/wave goodbye and then freak out that she didn't. Probably just to prolong goodbyes. But STILL. Her teacher told her that she could still blow me a kiss. The wind would help blow it to me and would make sure that I got it.

It did, Hannah. I got your kiss. And it broke my heart into a million little pieces.


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