Thursday, February 2, 2012

More Than A Little Sick

Since my last post on Hannah's health, she has been a totally unpredictable, hot little mess. One moment she is most certainly NOT OK. The next? Giggling and playing like it is no big deal. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but her fever never really stuck, so I assumed it was no big deal. Until last night. When she woke up soaking wet, drenched  in sweat. The last time someone in my family had a off/on fever and serious night sweats, we ended up in the oncologist's office. And I don't even know why I bothered to Google night sweats in kids, because I already knew all I'd see were the inevitable warnings about childhood cancer. We tried to make Hannah comfortable and let her sleep in the Mommy and Daddy bed. I managed to not completely freak out like a little part of me was really wanting to do. I said a little prayer, that was more like a tired plea: I don't have the strength for this again; just let me fall back asleep and let my little girl be OK. And I thankfully did. And one of my wonderful nurse/friends assured me that on a scale from one  to cancer, we were still a solid "one." And her pediatrician quickly found a nasty double ear infection, and told me not to worry, the infection was causing all these symptoms. And I tried to push myself past the part where I felt guilty for not taking her in sooner (as opposed to the other option, where I feel stupid for taking her in for nothing. I'm still not sure how I can always manage to turn this parenting business into a lose-lose endeavor). Instead, I tried to move straight to the part where I just accepted the fact that my nerves are still a little frayed, but most of all, my little family is still safe and sound. And I will try even harder to not ever take that for granted, even a little bit, while also maybe taking the PTSD down a notch.



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