Yes. I feel the same way.
There are times when it feels like this whole motherhood thing is kicking my butt. Maggie is on ear infection number I-lost-count and Hannah has developed an affinity for violence. It is hard not to be sad when parenting starts feeling like a zero sum game for the girls, and no matter who was ahead (my sick baby or my allegedly-attention-starved we-hit-drums-not-friends toddler), it felt like I was constantly losing. I was either letting someone down or losing my cool (or best of all, both at once). Nothing I was doing seemed to help the hitting situation, so I started freaking out, which surprisingly didn’t help either (seemed like such a great plan at the time). I felt completely defeated. Sitting in the lactation
closet room at work, I put my head down in my hands and just felt like sobbing, but I was probably too tired and dehydrated (on account of all my body’s spare liquid being sucked out through my boobs).
When we went to pick up the girls after work, Maggie had just fallen asleep (sleeping schedules are just not her style, I guess. Or maybe that is my fault too.) I don’t have the heart to wake a sleeping baby. So we took Hannah to the Italian restaurant down the street to wait out Maggie’s nap. We ordered pizza and pasta and cake and drinks and Hannah was nothing but cute and cheerful. She is old enough to engage in adorable little conversations that always make me smile. Maggie’s teacher called to let me know that she had woken up, so I walked back, collected my baby, and had Maggie join our impromptu dinner party. She sat happily on the seat next to me, chewing on bread and pasta and never once trying to crawl off, climb away, spill or dump or break anything. No babies were pushed or kicked. Not a single tear was shed or scream was had. It was magical. I felt a trillion times better, from just a simple, uneventful dinner.
I guess if normal parenting things like sickness and aggressive (please-let-this-be-a-phase) phases can weigh me down so much, at least equally normal parenting things like pizza and cake with the kids can completely pick me back up.