Thursday, June 2, 2011

This Too Shall Be Replaced By Something Equally Frustrating

I remember when I used to dream of the day when my little Hannah could talk. When she could tell me why she was crying. Oh, my life would be so much easier.

And here we are! Talking! Sentences! And yet my life is so incredibly not easy.

The talking is very exciting. Just today she told me there was a spider on my leg. She can tell the puppy, "No ma'am! Go away! Now!" She can tell anyone who gets too close to her Dada that he belongs to her, not them.  She can ask her Pooh toy to kiss her "owie." She can tell me what she wants to drink and eat and wear. She can say big words like "helicopter" and "butterfly."

And yet my life is infinitely harder. I know this because I have a real baby and not just memories of a real baby to compare my sweet toddler to. And I look longingly at that baby. And I beg her to never become a toddler.

Terrible Twos don't do this justice. There needs to be a new adjective that somehow conveys the drama, the possessiveness, the anger and frustration, the tears, the spaghetti body phenomenon, the arbitrary but passionate desires, the body flinging and flailing, and the inexplicable wake-the-neighbor screams.

And somehow in the middle of this agonizing mess of toddlerhood, she will sing and dance and laugh with all her heart. She will light up and run towards you with arms outstretched. She will absentmindedly pat you on the back while you hold her. She will give her baby sister kisses and hugs. She will squeal with joy at the sight of a purple bus. She will have conversations with her Nana on a toy phone and tell her she loves her.

I'm just going to let go of this fantasy of mine that we are just one milestone or tooth or time period away from our lives getting easier. I will hold on to my "this too shall pass" mantra. But I will accept the "this" (whatever it may be) will most likely be supplanted with a whole new and possibly scarier "this." And this will never get easier, it will just get different. I just need to focus on the back pats and the laughter and dances and trust that we all will survive.

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