Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
You can get Neosporin-like packets. You can get packets for burns (I keep a couple of those in my bathroom where I curl my hair. Because curling irons will scar, you guys. They don’t mess around.). There’s wet wipes, sting relief wipes, alcohol wipes, iodine wipes, I don’t even know why you would use one iodine instead of alcohol or plain old wipes. But the point is, YOU HAVE THEM IN YOUR PURSE. Someone is like, does anybody have any iodine? You’re like, I DO! because you're the best parent in the world! So maybe my four-year old might flip out every morning at the prospect of wearing clothes on the bottom half of her body. But I am prepared for emergency surgery at the Zoo. (BTW, you can buy a travel scalpel on Amazon. Just sayin’. It isn’t in my first aid bag, but it was in my “Amazon suggested items list." That is when I knew I had been searching too long and too far. I could just buy a couple more bandaids and call it a day.)
I also got a small, weekly pill organizer for things like benadryl, sudafed, ibuprofen, etc in each day. If a pill isn’t somehow obviously labeled, I’d recommend printing out and taping on the inside of the pill organizer lid what it is and what the dose is. Because when I was living in NYC, I was taking Ambien, and then they made a generic for it. And it looked just like my prescription allergy medicine. I mean, identical. You have to be really careful sometimes about some pills, is my point.
Of course, I also have a non-medical emergencies bag. Because when you have small kids, everything is an emergency. As in, they are thirsty. For example. Or, their foot itches, but they can’t scratch it because their shoe!!! But this bag is for things like Shout Wipes, pony tail holders, hand cleaner, safety pins, chapstick, you know, stuff like that. (In the summer, it’s not a bad idea to throw in a sunscreen stick and some mosquito repellent, like some Cutter wipes, in case you something bizarre happens to your regular stash in your car, swim bag, etc.)
I also keep some cute, unlined, polka dot notebooks from the Target dollar bin for the girls to draw in during long waits. Between all that, I’m pretty much prepared for anything. Seriously. Anything. Zombie Apocalypse? I’m on it. I have Shout Wipes and safety pins, okay?
Just kidding. But I’d be interested in any cool things other parents keep in their purses. (That’s right, dads can carry a purse too. A murse (man purse), if you will. Or a bag of some sort. We don’t judge here.)
Thursday, July 9, 2015
- Top layer is a fitted sheet (obviously);
- under that is one of those waterproof fitted sheets (they make those for adult beds too, don’t act like you have to wet the bed to own them. Our mattress warranty would be nullified (allegedly) if we didn’t use one...but who ever cashes in on a mattress warranty? I think they are just trying to sell you another product. luckily it is a product that has proved itself amazing);
- next, you use another fitted sheet;
- finally, we use a padded fitted sheet for extra squooshiness, but you could do whatever you want here, including nothing, I guess.
Here is the genius of it. Let’s say somebody comes into your bed and throws up everywhere (WHY? WHY!) , or you you go to grab a glass of water in your half-asleep state and spill it everywhere, or maybe you wet the bed (I’m not here to judge you, this is a safe space)? You just take off the top two sheets (throw them in the wash if it is vomit, for the love of all things holy), and go back to bed!!! put them back on the bed in the morning! It is like magic! No fumbling with replacement fitted sheets at 3 AM.
That is the kind of lazy I’m talking about.
Also, and this is huge, to be an awesomely lazy mom, you have to put your kids to work. Their freeloading diaper pooping days are over. They need to start paying rent. Earning their keep and such. That’s why I really like these:
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Don’t take it personally. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! They are probably having a bad day (life).
Listen. Do NOT talk over them.
Paraphrase. “It sounds as if you’re ____. And if I understand correctly, you need me to _____. You’re also concerned with _____. Have I captured you’re main points?”
Inquire. “You mentioned that _____. Help me understand how you came to this conclusion. And let’s talk about how we can create a situation that you find more reasonable.”
Acknowledge. “It sounds as if you’re quite disappointed with __.” So much so that you have serious concerns about whether ____."
(Sometimes listening and then paraphrasing/inquiring/acknowledging is all you need to do to help calm an angry person. However, if they are still upset, it can help to move on to focusing on solutions: What can I do to help you with this situation (see “Art of Focusing on Solutions” below)? This can help refocus them from being problem-focused, to solution-focused. Or it can help them realize that all they really wanted to do was complain.)
Other good phrases to use with an angry person:
· I noticed that.... (objectively describe any abusive behavior.)
· I don’t feel comfortable with... (how loudly you are talking to me. The tone you are using. )
· Given the desired outcome, how would you handle the issue // Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.
The Art of Focusing on Solutions
Problem-Focused Question. What is wrong? Why is this happening?
Solution-Focused Question. What do we want? How do we create it?
(Being solution-focused is generally more productive and less anxiety producing.)
Questions to Refocus a Power Struggle
· What is the outcome would you like to create or maintain?
· What will having that outcome do for you? (what are the benefits you’ll get?)
· How will you know you’ve achieved it? (what are the criteria?)
· What will you do with this?
· What is the value and the risks of this?
· What are the next steps?
Motivation. Start by asking yourself why you are having this conversation. Is it necessary? You can tell that it is necessary because it is eating away at you. And verbalizing your motivation will put you in a more logical place to have the conversation.
Common Ground. Start by looking for mutual interests and goals (and stop looking for every flaw in their logic and arguments). When you first start a conversation, you’ll want to begin by sharing these instances of overlap with the other person). There are also ways to remind the person of your common ground throughout the conversion, as they respond (even when you disagree).
Agree: let them know where you have points of agreement
Build: where you have information that has been left out, build on their story
Compare: “I think I see things differently here"
Permission. Before you share your story, ask permission to pursue the conversation. This starts the conversation at a respectful place (and the first few moments of a conversation are the most important, as they set the tone for the entire discussion).
Tell Your Story. What is the gap between what your expectations were, or what was appropriate, and what happened. This should be succinct, objective, fact-based, and respectful.
Be Curious. Be open to their influence. “do I have this right?” “Am I missing anything?"
Listen. Show that you are hearing them; be respectful.
Deny. What you anticipate they will think you are saying, or what they have stated their misunderstanding is. “It don’t think you ___”
Assure. The opposite. “In fact, I’m very satisfied with ____”
I don’t want you to think I’m unhappy with your management of this department. Overall I’m very satisfied. I just want to talk about how we handle X.
I’m not saying it was wrong for you to say X. It is important for me to get feedback from you. It is just that I heard your tone and words as demeaning.
I didn’t mean to imply that you were doing it on purpose. I believe you were unaware of the impact you were having. That’s why I wanted to bring it up in the first place.
I’m not saying you have to treat me in any special way. All I’m asking for is that you treat me in a way that communicates respect and doesn’t sound like you think I’m incompetent.
Asking difficult questions
“Did you…?” and “Have you…” or “Are you…” may be well intended. At the same time, they invite yes-no answers instead of more open sharing. By contrast, “How…?” and “What…?” questions invite more ample flow.
Sharing difficult feelings
1. “I feel (felt) _____ that (or when you) ____.” Fill in the first blank with a one word feeling; e.g., “sad.”
2. “My concern is___.”
3. “I would like to ____.” Note: Avoid “I would like you to____.” Which is telling someone what she should do. This sentence started is highly provocative and comes across as invasive and controlling.
Behavior. Describe the behavior (this should be fact-based, not vague, or subjective)
Impact. Describe the impact of the behavior. (why it was good or bad.)
Future. Describe the desired, future behavior.
Focuses on improvement/solutions
“Here is another way to do that”
Focuses on problems
“You did this wrong”
Is about behavior, not personality
“It sounds as if you are having trouble doing X, would you agree? Maybe together we could come up with a plan…”
Implies the worst about the other’s personality
“You are too [negative trait]”
“I know you have a lot on your plate, but I think you can do this.”
“You always/never seem to….”
Forgets blame, focuses on the future
“We can fix this if we….”
“This is your fault/Look what you did”
“What do you think is the best choice?”
Seeks to control and undermine
“We are doing this my way because I know what is best.”
“I think we can find a solution that is best for both of us”
“It is my decision”
Responding to Feedback
· I would like to improve my performance, but comments like that give me no direction.
· I would like to know specific ways that I can improve.
· Please let me know what results you expect and how I can recognize them once I have reached them.
· What would you like to see me start/stop/keep doing?
Responding to an Abusive Person
The less you can respond the better.
Try your hardest to never escalate or respond to their anger.
If you can, respond with detached indifference (remember! It is not about you!), like a reporter trying to understand a subject.
· What I just heard you say is X
· Is that right?
· Tell me a little more about X?
· What would X look like to you?
(There is nothing a bully hates more than feeling powerless to intimidate you or evoke a response)
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Saturday, November 29, 2014
My cheese tray, the cheese is supposed to look like a turkey. I made a face in the dip. I didn’t try that hard because once I had this amazing veggie tray that looked like a turkey and nobody ate it. Because vegetables, maybe? Anyway. My sister said something about my snowman dip. Eh. Close enough.
Here are two worn out girls. And they needed their holiday rest. Because after thanksgiving is CHRISTMAS SEASON.
And yeah, we got the decorations out right away.
I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving!